A bhindaas guide to college

So you’ve worked your way through the dingy high school classrooms and sweat through the three hours of non-stop board examinations torture. Another month of results, proposals, sentiments, confusions, etc,etc, and its finally time to get your butt to college. And some time later after weeks of painstaking labour, running after admission forms, sitting and waiting endlessly for counselling sessions and gulping litres of cola in the hot Indian summer, its finally time to relax, you’ve made it to college and you think the tension phase of your life is over. Trust me, thats the biggest load of rot you'll ever hear.

You might have made it to college because your dad had connections, you had a lot of spare money lying in your backyard, there weren’t many applicants for the course you applied for, nobody else turned up for counselling or may be on the sole basis of merit. Whatever be the reason, the past is the past. Nobody’s going to care how charming, cute and intelligent you were in your growing years at high school. There are worse things people will ask you about and will want to know from you. So here’s my beginners Guide to College. Keep it safe, read it in the loo or distribute copies to friends, I don’t care, just read on.

++ Ragging: Till now you’ve seen it only in the bollywood flicks or heard about it from your dear cousins. It’s time to face the music. Ragging in Indian colleges isn’t the same as it used to be with the Government imposing strict bans and making it a punishable offence. But that doesn’t make your seniors chickens or someone you can screw around with, thinking you have the backing of the Indian army. So be a sport, go ahead and sing or dance to enjoy a little, these are the experiences that will stay with you forever. If it gets raw, the meat needs to be cooked up! My advice, don’t get cocky with the seniors straight away. Some of them would eventually be good to you. There will still be some $^#&#%& who refuse to treat you like a human being, dont spare em!!! Do whatever you can to make life a living hell for them, which may also involve blowing some of your preciously little cash on some effect inducing chemicals from the nearby department store. (hint, hint)

++ Boyfriends/Girlfriends: First things first. High school is over. Get over the dream, move on! College is the time when you’ll be exposed to a wide variety of the opposite sex, so the old high school crush can wait or if you’ve been thrown into a non co-ed college, God help you! Remember it’s your first week. First month. Don’t be an early Romeo or Juliet. Make your image, make your mark and wait. You’re in college now so interaction with the opposite sex will surely ignite someone’s interest in you sometime or the other. In case you dont have any interest in the opposite sex, then admire the library. Get a life dude!!!

++ Classrooms: These are small rooms with uncomfortable tables and pain-in-the-ass chairs packed with fans rotating at their own merry will and a black board which everyones supposed to look at for an entire fifty minutes. The best way to concentrate is to imagine the black board as the silver screen. Imagine you’re watching your favourite movie. Or you could just imagine your professor dressed up as King Kong and simply beating his chest and shouting for no valid reason. You won’t have to worry much about these, as these will be the rooms you’ll hardly be visiting over the next couple of years.

++ Labs: These are smelly rooms created to impart some practical knowledge into our innocent minds. The only things I learnt in labs was that its a whole lot better than sitting in classrooms (unless ur a mech, then ur screwd..) There’s nothing much you can do in these surroundings anyways, so bunking it is...

++ Canteens/Cafeteria: Your professor might complain of your attendance falling short of the minimum limit but the guy at the canteen won’t! Here’s the heaven where you’ll not only feed your hungry tummy but also dare stares at the hunks and the hotties. A perfect place for gup-shup over a spicy samosa and cola (bonda and tea, in my case). And if cupid has already struck then this might be the very shrine where you’ll get to worship your mate.

++ Entry/Exit points: Mark my words, this is THE most important thing to learn in college. Your seniors are the perfect place to start. You HAVE to be aware of all the entry and exit points at college. Why? You’ll answer this yourself pretty soon!

Thats all for now, the very best of luck to all you freshers out there. Remember, college life is not just about booze, girls and music, its about gettin your degree before the stipulated time you university has allotted for you. Follow the rules and keep rocking. Peace.

Metallica vs Iron Maiden: Metal Supremacy

Its about 3 in the morning and i found myself listening to "Face in the Sand" and suddenly a wave of nostalgia crept in. I remembered the days when our class was symmetrically split into two groups not by their views on some political issues, but by the supremacy of their respective favourite bands. On one side the old school rockers Metallica, and on the other "Up the Irons" Iron Maiden. I know i may be trying to answer a question that may never be answered, but hell, Carpe Diem Baby!!!

Why Metallica, you may ask, but if you do a simple search on Google as i did, youll find that there are a billion other people to answer that question for you. To cut things short, the line between these two bands is thinner than the hair on Bruce Willis's head. Both bands are arguably the legends of the metal genre, the first tier in a head-bangers quest to the ultimate... head-bang.

Iron Maiden are a relatively unheard of band when compared to Metallica, every teenage kid who wants to be cool in school would say their favourite band is Metallica and would walk around with t-shirts splashed with the faces of James Hetfield and Kirk Hammett, even though they didnt know the first thing about Metallica or rock for that matter. Not that Iron Maiden doesnt have its share of a massive fan following but it just doesnt reach the zenith that Metallica conquered a long time ago.

The distinctive voice of Bruce Dikinson added to the flavour of Maidens songs. Dickinson's recorded debut with Iron Maiden was 1982's The Number of the Beast, an album that claimed the band their first ever UK Albums Chart number 1 record. Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Led Zeppelin, etc. had all run their course by 1980, or were deep into decline. Iron Maiden spearheaded what was termed 'the new wave of heavy metal'. The guitar was clean and fresh, the vocals had a certain drama about them and the songs covered lyrical ground that made metal fans swoon like the times when Frank Sinatra was still singing his amorous tunes. Iron Maiden were refreshing the metal world after the pomp and ridiculousness that Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin had become. They had their fair share of controversies through the ages, especially when it came to band members running amock, but they held their course and are still going strong.

A peek at the Guitar World magazine would list out the top 100 guitar solos of all time according to the general public. Metallica - 3, Iron Maiden - 0. The landslide victory in this poll could only be credited to one man, Kirk Hammett. Throughout Metallicas crusade into the metal world, Hammett made a name for himself as nothing less than a guitar god. Although most of his solos were purely pentatonic, his speed was close to light itself. Even after major setbacks like bassist Cliff Burtons death and Jason Newsted leaving the band, the band still thrives of its never-dying support from fans across the globe and the fresh talents of bassist Robert Trujillo. St. Anger, the bands latest album came under a lot of criticism for its nu metal feel, and rumours that Metallica had lost their roots. Not that im complaining, but St. Anger did have its weak points, but atleast it showed that the band was trying to keep with the ages and its fans. The sheer volume and range of the bands music made them leap head and shoulders above the rest. The hard-hitting vocals of James Hetfield and the crazy carefree drumming of Lars, maintained Metallicas position at the throne of the Gods of Metal.

The two bands are definitely right there at the top of the metal ladder, the punkiness of Iron Maiden and the thrash of Metallica. A Hobsons choice of sorts but in the end, being the ardent follower of Metallica that i am, my decision has to tilt towards the Masters of Puppets.

“Sleep my friend, and you will see that dream is my reality.” - James Hetfield